Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
