No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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