haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think im going to throw up on grandma
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I would fuck him just for his dog
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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