do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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