All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
