That's intense
You smell like stripper and shame
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
