My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
