I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
