I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
