She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
