Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
