The maid of honor just puked.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
