Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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