Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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