Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
