everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
