He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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