Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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