I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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