I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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