I'm lost and stupid without you.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
