Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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