the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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