this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
