The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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