why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
