I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
