He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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