i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
