I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
