Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
