how can u be prego again
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
