Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Couch. On fire.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
