Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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