sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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