oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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