i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
