I smell stomach acid.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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