he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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