Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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