He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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