Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
