she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
