Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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