too bad you live with your parents still
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
