I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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