Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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