Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
