I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
