I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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