I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
