Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
