I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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