The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
