Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
