Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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