I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
