you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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