I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
