just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
