I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
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