i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
