So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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