yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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