I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
