I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
