Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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