How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
