Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize